Lest you be snared by a hopeless drone.

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Drone Daries
Current book: The Time Machine. By  H. G. Wells.
Favorite quote from the book: Unable to find due to how far I have read but it was talking about ghost and if they had truly existed the amount that would have populated in the year 8 thousand from the amount of people that lived in that amount of time would soon overrun the entire world. thought it was funny unable to locate to give exact quote. 

Current Anime Manga: Currently in search of Hiiro No Kakera or Inu X Boku, But more intereseted in finding Hiiro
Current Anime : Just finished Inu X Boku, and Dantalian No Shoka. Currently following Hiiro No Kakera. 
I currently have 5 tabs open all of them are Anime related plus the one tab I have open for LJ. 
Wearing: Black Sweat Pants, Black under shirt, pink sport bar (Nike logo), Black Beavis and Butthead t-shirt, With R2D2 and 3CPO Pin, No shoes, sweat pants pulled over my toes to keep them warm. 
My hair is a little damp but mostly dry, it's pinned with a clip, plain sliver, on the left side near my temple. My hair has curled into this one massive curl that will only fluff up when I finally sleep.
There is no music playing right now the tv is on but mostly for background light, Netflix is on idle and looks like it's on power saver mode. Recently Watched Final Fantasy, Shake Rattle and Rock, Speed Grapher,
Currently have a sudden case of hiccups, there is nail polish remover to my left, followed by number 60 sand Lots nail polish, and Coconut Passion lotion that I put on right after I came out of the shower. 
Dinner: Made beef stew but only had carrots and mushrooms, Served it over white rice a little too salty. Have been experimenting with flavors and veggies. Lots of failed sauces and veggie dishes. Thinking about ways to make my food less crappy. No ideas yet. Made successful beef stir fry for lunch. ( Not salty like the beef stew, but added stale peanuts which was pretty gross. Thought up this new way of writing because I need to keep a log of what I was thinking. Had a dream last night but right now can not remember what it was about. I guess it's due to the fact that I am getting tired and the glare from the computer and tv is making my eyes ache. have been biting my nails so tomorrow I am going to trim them and hopefully take the nail polish off. Made some chocolate milk and remembered something funny about an old friend. Ended up smiling to myself and making it extra chocolatey while eating a chocolatey foiled covered treat. Had to look up how to spell chocolatey think it's still spelled wrong but don't have anyone to correct spelling so that's about how far I am going with that. Now I am thinking that this will be an every day habit for me, Lets me think about what I did and how many time I think about something throughout the day. Went for a drive in the evening ended up driving in a small circle and came back home. Nothing to eventful. Thought about friends and the things they are going through. Thought about how everyone I know who is married is getting divorced. People I would have never guess are calling it quits. Mostly I think about the things that need to get done and the things that still weigh heavy in my mind. I wonder if anyone felt like this then I realize that they probably have. I wonder why I didn't see it before. Funny looking back you can see the pleas for help so clearly. Almost comical how that works. but thinking that this too shall pass as it did for them and now they laugh more than they have in years. I wonder if that is what my dream was trying to tell me. Amazing things have been happening without my knowing it. They come as surprises when I think I am done for. It is like a cooing calm that rushes right when the chaos threatens to call itself king in my soul and mind. I have found one night of tears and sorrow followed by a surprising joy in the morning. An unexpected email of encouragement and some many things that I will hold dear and keep to myself in my reservoir. It's been really hard thinking all these things and wondering if everything will be ok. It's been something of a whirlwind clouding everything I do. In my mind, spirit, and heart I feel a sense of weight. It pulls me down but with gritted teeth I will it to surface, though I fear my sound feels so faint. I still will it with all my heart. A thumping of my heart sends blood rushing through my being. Pull up! Deeper into the void only crushes you the surface is where you must be. Air, it feels as though breathing is something only others are privy to. I ask what is my crime for what have you kept me in this abyss? Is it truly your pleasure to confine me to this guilt. Have I not suffered enough for the death of this albatross. I have carried more a burden to last a life time and still find that my sentence is yet more suffering. Have I really wished you that great of ill will and wronged you that you would soon curse the very thing that brought you joy? In my pained pitiful state I want nothing more than for relief. Like a writer with words that are now long forgotten. Only childish murmurs come across, infuriating my being. So again I shout rise up you pitiful being with your unworthy heart. Rise above the foolishness of your heart. Raise your sword, awaken the ancient powers which flow through your veins. Dare not feast upon doubt which soiled your once pure heart. And still in the face of mockery stand no matter how beaten you may look... Laugh, cry, curse do what you will but allow you no entrance I shall, once a gift given purely out of love, was greedily devoured and consumed, not by fire but by darkness and year after year I toiled, and tricked by false lights found only dead ends. Now you ask what am I talking about...  To you childish gurgling. To my heart I am breathing life into them. Good night soul. May we meet again in warm embrace far from this wrecked ship. Even through my tattered appearance may you remember me. Good Night Self, It was good talking with you again.. May we get lost in conversation again tomorrow.  


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