Lest you be snared by a hopeless drone.

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Drone Daries
Current Anime: Oseam, One Stormy Night, Umi ga Kikoeru, Goshu the Cellist, Toki Wo Kakeru Shoujo.
Current Manga: None. 
Current Book finishing up the Time Machine.
Next Book: Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea. 
Currently Listening to Massive Attack Radio on Pandora. 
As of recent I have been eating primarly with chopsticks. Everything I eat is with chopsticks. Odd but well I have been cooking a lot more oriental food as of late. The problem is that I am not trying to imitate American Chinese but authentic Chinese, Korean, Thai, Japanese and also can't forget my Mexican Roots... Since I did not grow up where I had the chance to taste the food I can't create it. Although pretty yummy I am having a hard time finding the combinations that best suit the dishes I am making. Online I look up many recipes but I don't have the proper ingredients for most of what they want. I have been working really hard on my cooking though. I get excited when I see the potential in what I am going to make. I think when I see the soil on the potatoes, the bright green veggies, I think of how wonderful making a dish that not only tastes delicious but also brings happiness to those who eat it. I can't see myself out of the kitchen I dream of magic food that brings supper powers to those who eat it. I combine my love for comics and manga with food.. Next thing you know I will be putting little masks on Kung pao.... KAWII....^.^ I could picture that and it would be cute... of course the red Thai pepper will be the bad villain, because he is soooo spicy.. I'll put a little bandit mask on him with a black and white striped shirt on him!! 

HAhahahah OK, so I may have forgotten to finish this post earlier. 

Anime Manga: Skip Beat, 
Currently Following: Extravagant Challenge. 
I made soup today I woke up this morning with a feeling that something bad was happening. All around I all I wanted to say was don't go. But to who? There felt like something bad was about to happen and there was nothing to stop it. I warning that I could not relay. It troubled me so much that I could not go back to sleep. Later on I got a text that my great grandmother was in the hospital, but still felt as though that was just a coincidence. It's Monday again and I feel a bit more out of sorts than normal. Looking a head at what seems to be my path I can feel thorny shrubs trying to curse me. 1 Year, that is my time frame. July is the month I start so from July to July. I am starting to drive around, alone with my music to accompany me. I get my licence July. Doing things alone is not so bad. Doing them and thinking about how wonderful the reward. I have new ideas new strategies Now I just need to focus on everything... You know I down played almost all my feelings. Allowing people to always go ahead of me thinking it's alright if they surpass me I deserve it. I would wake up and feel the pain of their ridicule. You don't do anything all day. Stay up too late at night. Anime, it's a faze that you grow out of. Besides it's for children. It felt as though everything was for everybody else. And when they got wanted, I needed to not be envious, always accused of seeking out someone else's stuff whatever it was. Their boyfriend, their husband, their clothes, their friends, their money, their life. I have even been accused of trying to steal someone's mother... Not really the case. I find that I just want to make my own why. With my own friends, my own life, my own husband, my own money. Something that is my very own. So I will start. No more being locked away, no more being muzzled, no more being blamed, Those feelings. those emotions, those thoughts are being destroyed along with whatever belonged to that girl that occupied my body for those many years. I am angry, I am upset, I realized that no amount of tears will help anything. Have I ever been angry? I don't think so, not really. It burns deep in my chest, it hurts. These shackles, these constraints, can npt withstand this fire burning me up. My motto, No pain, no gain. I am used to pain, Now for my gain. July starts the rebirth, I end my reign of misery, and give myself 1 year to get my cert, get my car, pay off my debts, get my braces, go to the gym and afford a place where there is a kitchen big enough for me to cook and bake.  1 year to continually stay in one place to achieve my goals. 

Steps: I was turned down for College, having to pay out of state tuition is very expensive since I am not a resident and I don't have a job yet I can't dish out 600 a class. I have to wait a year to start my school, so mean while I am going to do something else. On Thursday I meet with a career counselor. A quick trade should get me started. 
My debt is incredibly low considering I had hospital bills, they have all but one fallen off, I can wait for that to fall off the rest are several hundred dollars, paying that off will be easy if I pay off one at a time. I took care of some I just have 4 more to go. 
As far as my health goes nothing is more important than that, so a check up, a cleaning, then some braces... Of coarse that will be in the later of the 9 months when I finish my trade and start working... I don't have to worry about the gym I am starting in July. Now the place with the kitchen will be tricky can I afford a place like that. To have an oven and a stove sounds like a far away dream, right now but making decent monies could afford me a studio... Just thinking about it makes me feel so happy. pies, cakes, puddings, Rolls, Japanese treats, True ramen bowls, with bbq pork and half boiled egg. Make my own sticky rice, and red bean steam buns... Awe that kitchen will be amazing smelling like bread and cookies, Like choco cake and banana pudding... The list of yummy dishes that will be eaten by me there. I'll have a bath tub, it's been a long time since I had one of those, Fill the tub with roses and lilies, honey and milk, Play piano music and soak lights low knowing that there is a steam bun waiting for me to get out. Yes I am eating what I want. My whole life being told what to eat what not to eat how many calories, I am gaining to much weight poor diet, if you ask me it's because I don't do anything. While I was in El Paso, last year, I lost a lot of weight not because I changed what I ate, but because I moved around more I walked everywhere, I worked out I was active. That is what I am lacking right now. I need to be more active not punish myself and take away all the yummy food and say you've had enough fatty. that is just being me to myself. So I will eat the foods I love and also do more things that require me to move a little more... Gym, good place to start. 
It seems like a load but for the first time in a long while I feel like I have nothing left to lose so why not. I have nothing right now, I've had nothing for quite a while. Writing these steps down makes me feel like I have the confidence that was once robbed from me back. Little steps little steps That is how I climbed the mountain, how I climbed the rocks that seemed impossible for me to climb. I mad it to the top and sat there looking at the hills and valleys. Always looking for footing always making sure I was as close to the rock as possible. If I can do that with my ankle, with my weight, without falling or dying. I will do this.
Just got to think mmmm steam buns, sticky rice balls with yummy grilled fish, Mole, Sunday morning pozole, con panecitos dulce con leche. Fresas con crema stilo mexicano... I am so glad that I have been cooking, getting up and making food is good practice Dishes from all over the world, If I can't travel to you I will make you in my home so that I can at least taste you and hopefully it'll be close enough so that when I am able to meet you there will be a sense of familiarity between us. ^.^ 


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